Shar

What a difficult week this has been for me. My sweet cousin, Shar, died unexpectedly and has left a huge hole. It's been hard for me to process, especially the deep level of my grief, because I certainly wasn't one of the closest people in her life. But, man, I sure did love her. And I don't know if I ever let her know.
Yesterday at the funeral there was an open mic for people to share memories of Shar. I couldn't really get it together enough to stand up and share, so I'm going to do that here.
The most recent time I saw Shar basically sums up who she was as a person. We were at our big Webb Christmas party playing the white elephant game, which gets a little crazy as people steal back and forth to get the best prizes, with lots of catcalling and jokes flying in between. Anyway, we were sitting next to Shar and she was eyeing someone's bag of Swedish Fish they had just opened. It was my turn to open a present and I got a tin of shortbread cookies. Which would be fun except for the fact that half of our family can't eat regular cookies because they contain gluten. But, you know, part of the deal of white elephant gifts is that you don't always get what you want anyway, so it's not like I was majorly upset about this.
But Shar noticed, and asked "You guys can't eat those right?" When her turn came, she swiftly took our cookies so that my kids would have a chance to get something they could actually enjoy. I don't know if she liked that type of cookie. I know they weren't as good as some of the other presents that were out there. It was just more important to her to make us happy.
I'm glad that is my last memory of my sweet cousin because it is a demonstration of the person she truly was. Generous. Sweet. Selfless.
I have other hazier memories of Shar from when I was little-- her taking me with their family to Lava and learning to play gin rummy in their camper, her bringing some of the people she worked with at the care center to family parties, the constant fight between her and my dad trying to throw one another (or Bonnie) in the swimming pool. And a few years ago when my dad fell off the roof, both she and Jerry were so concerned about my parents and spent many hours over there with him while my mom was at work.
Mostly, though, I will remember Shar as the glue in our family. She was one who talked to every single person at the party, letting them all know how much she loved them. She was one who made sure everyone was invited to Lava, and if you couldn't afford it, then just stay with her. She was the one passing out treats to all the kids, or organizing games for the kids to play while grown ups chatted. You really got the sense from Shar that our family was the most important thing to her.
I will miss her so much. One thing about that glue person is that you just kind of get used to having them around. You take for granted that they will always be there, with a hug or a joke. You never really think to let them know how much they mean to you. And now she's gone and I wish I had. Love you, Shar.