Shar

What a difficult week this has been for me. My sweet cousin, Shar, died unexpectedly and has left a huge hole. It's been hard for me to process, especially the deep level of my grief, because I certainly wasn't one of the closest people in her life. But, man, I sure did love her. And I don't know if I ever let her know.
Yesterday at the funeral there was an open mic for people to share memories of Shar. I couldn't really get it together enough to stand up and share, so I'm going to do that here.
The most recent time I saw Shar basically sums up who she was as a person. We were at our big Webb Christmas party playing the white elephant game, which gets a little crazy as people steal back and forth to get the best prizes, with lots of catcalling and jokes flying in between. Anyway, we were sitting next to Shar and she was eyeing someone's bag of Swedish Fish they had just opened. It was my turn to open a present and I got a tin of shortbread cookies. Which would be fun except for the fact that half of our family can't eat regular cookies because they contain gluten. But, you know, part of the deal of white elephant gifts is that you don't always get what you want anyway, so it's not like I was majorly upset about this.
But Shar noticed, and asked "You guys can't eat those right?" When her turn came, she swiftly took our cookies so that my kids would have a chance to get something they could actually enjoy. I don't know if she liked that type of cookie. I know they weren't as good as some of the other presents that were out there. It was just more important to her to make us happy.
I'm glad that is my last memory of my sweet cousin because it is a demonstration of the person she truly was. Generous. Sweet. Selfless.
I have other hazier memories of Shar from when I was little-- her taking me with their family to Lava and learning to play gin rummy in their camper, her bringing some of the people she worked with at the care center to family parties, the constant fight between her and my dad trying to throw one another (or Bonnie) in the swimming pool. And a few years ago when my dad fell off the roof, both she and Jerry were so concerned about my parents and spent many hours over there with him while my mom was at work.
Mostly, though, I will remember Shar as the glue in our family. She was one who talked to every single person at the party, letting them all know how much she loved them. She was one who made sure everyone was invited to Lava, and if you couldn't afford it, then just stay with her. She was the one passing out treats to all the kids, or organizing games for the kids to play while grown ups chatted. You really got the sense from Shar that our family was the most important thing to her.
I will miss her so much. One thing about that glue person is that you just kind of get used to having them around. You take for granted that they will always be there, with a hug or a joke. You never really think to let them know how much they mean to you. And now she's gone and I wish I had. Love you, Shar.

Newberry Medal Winner: Caddie Woodlawn

I set a goal this year to read all the books that have ever won the Newberry Medal. This was before I realized that there were so very many books to read (the award began in 1922 and has been given annually since), and that most of them are actually quite long. So, it's likely I will not finish in 2015 but I'm glad to give it a go. Especially because since I made this goal Anna and Kate have started reading these books when I bring them home from the library. And there's just something that feels good about little conversations with your daughters about books you've all read, particularly if they are the best sort of books.
I'm going to attempt to chronicle my reading here on the blog. Not that I expect anyone else to be interested, but so that I can look back and remember the things that stuck out to me from these children's classics. Now, there are some Newberry winners that I have read before, either as a child or more recently, and I don't think I'll go back to them.

So, here's a start: Caddie Woodlawn by Carol Ryrie Brink. This is a true story of a pioneer girl on the Wisconsin frontier at the time of the Civil War. Caddie lives in a small town (Dunnville) and is one of seven children. Her family moved from Boston and her younger sister, Mary, died from the difficulties of that change. Her father pleaded with his wife to let Caddie "run wild"-- to be free to play and explore like her brothers, thinking that the exercise would be good for her health.
And so Caddie, along with her brothers Tom and Warren, find adventure-- visiting Indian camps, collecting rattlesnake skeletons, falling through the thin ice on the lake, etc. They enjoy the freedom and beauty of life in the wilds of Wisconsin.
But the story is truly Caddie's; you see it when she sneaks away to warn the Indians that white settlers are planning to attack or when she takes her prize silver dollar to the store to purchase treats and toys for some little boys whose mother abandoned them. You see Caddie learning hard lessons like when she pulls a prank on a guest and is punished for it by her mother. Her father comes into her room that night and explains that Mother has a higher standard for Caddie because she is a young woman.
"It's a strange thing but sometimes we expect more of girls than of boys. It is the sisters and wives and mothers, you know, Caddie, who keep the world sweet and beautiful. What a rough world it would be if there were only men and boys in it, doing things in their rough way! A woman's task is to teach them gentleness and courtesy and love and kindness. It's a big task, too, Caddie-- harder than cutting trees or building mills or damming rivers. It takes nerve and courage and patience, but good women have those things." 
I loved this passage! So much of what we hear today regarding women is clamoring for equal rights and treatment and opportunities-- all of which are good things. But I think it's so important that we as women remember that we truly have divinely given gifts and responsibilities to "keep the world sweet and beautiful." That work is just as difficult and important as any work a man can do, but it is our special responsibility to do it.
Caddie realizes this and other lessons along the way, and the book finishes roughly a year from the time it began. Caddie is growing into a young woman, the lady she will one day become. She muses to herself "How far I've come! I'm the same girl and yet not the same. I wonder if it's always like that? Folks keep growing from one person into another all their lives, and life is just a lot of everyday adventures. Well, whatever life is, I like it."
Life truly is just a lot of everyday adventures. It's forts on Sunday afternoons, experiments with magnets in the kitchen, and baking brownies on rainy days. I hope that when my children look back on their childhood, they see in it similarities to Caddie's-- episodes of play, outdoors, adventures, etc. Whatever that is, I like it.
*** Side note: the part Anna loved most about the book was the turkey. Caddie's mother raised turkeys to sell, but because of the war, the townspeople were too poor to buy them that year so the Woodlawn family ate turkey every day that winter. Of course, this grew tiresome and Anna delighted in hearing the funny ways that Caddie complained of the meals.